My house is peaceful at the moment. Both babies are sleeping and I've just taken a shower and brushed my teeth for the first time since___(fill in the blank-gross). It's amazing how something as small as a shower can make a person feel human again, not to mention putting on real clothes, rather than schlupping around the house in pj's all day long.
It's only Thursday and Tim left for deployment on Monday. Already this one feels very different from the last. I'm not sure why, but even though my responsibilities have increased, my stress has decreased. Instead of one child to take care of while pregnant, now I have two. With that comes more toys, more laundry and more messes and clutter in general. I miss Tim terribly, but I have a sense of peace and calm that I didn't have during the last deployment. Before, I worried about things I had no control over, big things. I'm learning to let go of those big things, the things that God is keeping an eye on for me, and enjoy the time I have right now. I have a list that I want to accomplish during this deployment like learn how to sew, get Mark potty-trained before the new baby comes, and get to know San Diego better. We'll see how many items actually get checked off...I'm a litle nervous about the potty-training.
In a way, I am very lucky. I am a stay-at-home mom and, even though I need a break every now and them from, 'No, give it back to your sister,' 'Share!,' and 'Don't touch that!' I get to be the one to see them walk and talk and learn new things. Tim will miss a great deal of their little lives and it saddens me that their Daddy will miss so many cute things that they do. But I try not to dwell on that too much. I am trying to make it a point to not dwell on the multiples of negatives in my life right now, but instead look at the blessings we have. And there are many. I just need to be reminded occasionally, especially when I'm covered in spit-up and dirt.
This past weekend, before Tim left, we celebrated both babies' birthdays. Gianna's 1st birthday was the 19th and Mark's 2nd birthday is coming up on Sunday. So, yes, right now, I have two one-year olds. A little daunting. We bought them a cake (Sesame Street...they both love Elmo) and lit the candles and sang them Happy birthday. They both stared at us as if we had lost our marbles. But they sure had a great time making a mess and eating all the sugar!